The Autopsy of Jane Doe

2016 | dir: André Øvredal | 99 m

I don't know if it says more about me or about the horror industry that when I first heard about The Autopsy of Jane Doe, I immediately assumed necrophilia was going to play a large part in the plot. (Am I so out of touch? No, it's the children who are wrong.) I'm not sure why, exactly, but my mind kept trying to connect it with Deadgirl, a movie that involves some teenage boys, a zombie girl, and a whole lot of lube. Although, I'm not sure whether sex with somebody who's only mostly dead counts as necrophilia or it's really more of a grey area, zombiphilia. Either way, the point is The Autopsy of Jane Doe was actually nothing like Deadgirl, and I definitely don't have a fetish for corpses that can legally be proven in a court of law as far as you know. 

Continue Reading

Men in Black: International

2019 | dir: F. Gary Gray | 115 m

The original Men in Black was a true highlight of the '90s and a joy that I would revisit often; I remember getting the soundtrack at the time when Danny Elfman could do no wrong. Yes, the movie seemed to mix every element into a perfectly fun adventure film that captured an essence that has yet to be reproduced in the ongoing franchise. Taking such a long hiatus from the third entry, International is met with some trepidation as my cynical self can't help but think that there wasn't more to tell in this universe, but there was more money to be made. And here we are, a new Men in Black film loaded with some exciting talent and all the latest CGI tricks to really make the world of hidden alien policing sing. It falls short, to say the least. It feels like they revisited the core formula of the first film: follow our character through their first adventure while they're led by a veteran in the organization, see some interesting aliens and save the world, but the chemistry between our two leads never materializes and I suspect it's because Hemsworth's Agent H is written as such a cocky jerk. We retread the same material - there's even a quick scene where Tessa Thompson's newbie Agent M sees a list of celebrity aliens. As we follow the same beats as the original, we're world-hopping now instead of driving around New York, and I'm feeling as empty as the CGI renditions on screen while left yearning for the practical effects of yesteryear. Despite all this, the movie is serviceable: it's an entertaining chunk of popcorn flick, but doesn't amount - nor strive - for anything more.

Rating: 2.5 / 5

Oblivion

2013 | dir: Joseph Kosinski | 124 m

It was love at first sight with Oblivion all those years ago in the theatre; enough so that I tried to delve headfirst into a proper review but failed spectacularly as I ended up with a shell of a review that failed to really deliver anything meaningful. It was deleted after a few weeks up on my site. Perhaps that review ran a parallel with the actual film: Oblivion is pure style with very little substance. It borrows heavily from other films and even back then I would say it's not necessarily a bad thing to do: the film really does mix together these elements to provide a satisfactory story with some nice sci-fi flourishes and made all the much better by the killer M83 soundtrack. Visiting this film again I was disappointed that I wouldn't give it the five star treatment. It runs a bit long, and truly is shallow: there's no great insight to be gleamed from the narrative, as it provides a window into a bleak future world where humanity is on the brink of destruction and only Cruise's character can save the day. But damn those drones are awesome. It has many of the right elements checked, but just doesn't achieve perfection.

Rating: 4 / 5

Ad Astra

2019 | dir: James Gray | 124 m

As Earth is plunged into disaster, Brad Pitt ventures into space to find his father, echoing a mixture of both 2001: A Space Odyssey and the more recent Interstellar. It ends up being a very solid film, but it lacked a certain "wow" factor that some other contemporary science fiction films have provided. Pitt turns in an excellent performance amid an intriguing story that never outstays its welcome - there is on scene that felt a bit forced, but the film runs at a near-perfect two hours and is satisfying in each act. What really got me excited was the depiction of this future; it feels grounded, realistic and doesn't venture into the outrageous, but more of an evolution of our current world. It will be worth rewatching just to pick up more details in these beautiful shots, and I have a feeling this will grow even better in time. This is the type of sci-fi I want to see on the big screen.

Rating: 3.5 / 5

The Blob

1988 | dir: Chuck Russell | 95 m

There's a poster floating around for this film that features a still from the movie wherein one of our characters is bursting toward you, covered in the slime of the blob itself: it always gave me the chills. There's really no excuse for taking so long to watch this, and I'm kicking myself after now just doing so for the first time, as this movie was an absolute blast. The film mixes together the ideal level of humour/hokiness with abject horror as we're treated to numerous on screen deaths that hit me harder than your typical gore film. The Blob is not afraid to push you around: it sets up characters and gives them personality, then pulls the rug out from under you with some of their gruesome deaths. Indeed, no one is safe here and the rules are set upon very early, which makes the rest of the film that much more intense. The special effects are absolutely incredible, with just a few shots that were clearly not given a priority - IMDb trivia tells me half the budget of the film was spent on special effects, and it really shows. I could easily see this film working it's way into an annual rotation.

Rating: 3.5 / 5

Possum

2018 | dir: Matthew Holness | 85 m

Watching Possum was very akin to ghost hunting in an old turn-of-the-century tuberculosis hospital, wherein the first little bit was very fun, but my mind wandered, gets tired, and I proceed to fall asleep in the morgue (except here I was at least on the comfort of a couch). The poster is absolutely brilliant and is enough to get you interested; the trailer promises an tense, heavy tone and pulls you in. The movie itself really failed to impress me though, and I'm hesitant to rate it poorly as I feel as though I'm at least partially to blame: being a little later at night (I didn't start this at midnight or anything though) and a long day behind me, I struggled to keep my eyes open throughout the short runtime, although I do feel as though I saw mostly what I needed. Everything moves slowly, creepily and for whatever reason could not get under my skin, although I can appreciate what they were going for. 

Rating: 1.5 / 5

IT Chapter Two

2019 | dir: Andy Muschietti | 169 m

Following up 2017's IT remake was not going to be an easy task, but I felt confident and yes, even excited for the second chapter. I really adored IT, so it bums me out a touch that I wasn't enthralled with the next installment - although I want to chalk up some of my experience to recent illness and a general burnout on films in general. What's really missing from Chapter Two is all the charm from the first one, and it's a direct result of the story and focusing entirely on the Losers as adults (there is a good amount of childhood stuff thrown in though). As opposed to a horror/coming-of-age story, we are instead given a very defined, mission-based movie that relies on the characters remembering all the events from the first film (which are fresh in our mind) and knowing exactly what they are up against. As a result, the film feels as though it meanders a bit as they search their own childhood while we - the audience - know exactly where this all ends up. The film clocking in at nearly three hours long doesn't help the situation either but I don't feel as though we do without much of what we get and I'm curious if the parallel storytelling of the original would have worked better in this situation - and yes, I still need to see that original miniseries. The stuff I did like: the casting was incredible; the journey the characters take was rewarding, and the imagery was incredible. Chapter Two spills onto screen with absolute demonic and twisted ideas that was a delight to see on the big screen. Without question this was a solid followup but found it lacking - I will definitely be doing a double feature when it hits home screens later on.

Rating: 3 / 5

Carriers

2009 | dir: David Pastor | 84 m

This film has been sitting in my collection for nearly a decade, nearing the top of the watchlist on occasion but nearing the "get rid of" pile more often than not. Every few years I must evaluate some of those bottom films and give it an opportunity to state its case on sticking around a bit longer. Unfortunately, I couldn't tell you what made me keep this film around, although I'm glad I did as putting it on and finishing the film (in one sitting, no less) granted a sense of accomplishment that is altogether uncommon in my habits. The film, Carriers, is merely okay though: it follows two brothers - and their girlfriends - as they navigate the harsh post-apocalyptic disease-ridden country. Their goal is to reach a fondly remember childhood beach town the brothers vacationed at as kids, but they'll come across other survivors and dangers. It's honestly, pretty run of the mill. Chris Pine does turn in a decent performance, but the film teeters too strongly on the genre tropes and is immediately all too familiar. It attempts to build some suspense on occasion but it quicky peters out: the strength of the film resides in building the brothers' relationship.

Rating: 1.5 / 5

Brightburn

2019 | dir: David Yarovesky | 91 m

The premise was simple enough: what if Superman came to Earth but turned out to be a real jerk? It's not exactly new either, but the current superhero-dominated cinema landscape hasn't played around with the idea of these super-powered being letting loose with all their strength. So I was excited, for a short time. The movie came and went without much fanfare, so when I did have an opportunity to check it out, I was expecting pretty poor results. And that's pretty much what I got: there is nothing particularly interesting about this film as it fails to really delve into the character of an "Evil Superman." Instead, it really leans into grotesque horror, which doesn't need to be super-villain fueled - you'll get a lot of nasty body stuff going on in other more competent thrillers. There's much to be said about the child's turn to evil and lack of motivation in doing so, but I might be venturing into spoiler territory and ultimately, it doesn't matter: every character - save for mom played by Elizabeth Banks - is a flat, shallow jerk. While I initially gave it two stars, I'm finding it difficult to justify why now (a couple of weeks later): there is very little redeeming the film (the special effects are good and the runtime is brisk).

Rating: 2 / 5